In Which Logic Fails
by Artificial Dreams
Summary: Yukio/Rin. Pure, complete without any proofreading, crack fanfiction at its worst. Enjoy. Relish. Wonder why. Written at a friend's request.


**Disclaimer:** This was written for fun, and much of it were writing prompts my friend gave me. She wanted a crackfic, so she got a crackfic - and now we're sharing with you. If this offends you somehow, then you should probably take life a little less seriously. That aside, we sincerely hope you enjoy! ...or at least wonder, "what in the hell did I just read?"

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><p>It had been a horribly long day – the kind that never ended but technically was going to because time was still passing as was evidenced by his varying thoughts. But that was merely a technicality, and Yukio cared not for technicalities at the moment. He had just returned from a rigorous mission that had kept him away from home sweet home – and as he opened the door he could smell the sweet delights his most sweet and innocent waifu was making for him.<p>

His waifu was a waifu because they were not officially married due to various laws prohibiting it. Ah, to be in true forbidden love. The bittersweet apple of life. Some nights, it brought him great sorrow. He would cry himself to sleep, and then have the most depressing of emo dreams. Other nights, it brought him great pleasure – the kind that made him smile and wiggle his brows. Not necessarily at the same time, but usually for the same reason. He was a man. Men had needs. And lots of them. Especially men his age – a most ripened age of eighteen.

He was eighteen because if he was any younger there were some legal matters that needed to be attended to.

Anyway, all of that digressional nonsense aside, Yukio entered the dorm he shared with his waifu and twin brother, Rin. That's right. Twin. Brother. His male sibling – all of those laws prohibiting incestuous and/or homosexual relationships were cockblocking their wedding. It would be a damned awesome wedding too, if it weren't for those meddling lawmakers. Oh well. The government couldn't stop him from treating Rin's familiar as their adopted son. Sure, they could adopt a REAL kid together but children were only cute if they weren't yours to take care of fulltime. Kuro was always adorable.

He got it from his mother's side. You know – Yukio's waifu. Fuck yeah.

Holy shit there's a lot of deviating from the main topic going on. Right. Yukio had issues when it came to being distracted by his older brother. He never showed it on his perfectly chiseled man face, mostly because his face was so immensely perfect that expressions marred rather than improved it. It was that pretty. After all, he did have three beauty marks.

They were fucking beauty marks and if anyone disagreed he would take all measures necessary to make them aware they were fucking beauty marks and Marilyn Monroe was the damned best example of that being true. Just look at pictures of her perfectly sculpted breasts. He was as homosexual as they came, but even he had to marvel at her boobs. That… was the power of beauty marks. Running fingers through his hair, flicking short brown strands every which way as he whipped his head with a quick shake. He adjusted his glasses, and sauntered casually into the kitchen – the one place his waifu belonged (aside from their bed, of course).

And there he was. Cutting vegetables to decorate their stew with was Rin, wearing a blue apron today adorned with glitter and paw prints. A gift from Kuro – he made it one day while Shiemi was babysitting him. What a girl. She encouraged the creative side of their child. Smirking (he was considerate of his brother and not making him swoon with his dashing good looks too often, so he was expressing himself for now and it had nothing to do with someone temporarily forgetting what was written not even two paragraphs ago), Yukio snuck up behind his twin and wrapped his arms around the other's waist and buried his face into the other's neck.  
>"Oh Yukio!" Rin gasped cutely, those pointed ears no match for Yukio's superior stealth skills. He learned everything he knew from their father. Err, the father that their father killed… not the father that killed their father.<p>

…actually, it was just easier to say their father Shiro who was their father, but also their Father. Actually, this was just increasingly getting more complicated so just Shiro would do. Anyway, Shiro taught him everything he needed to know about questionable methods of approaching individuals one was sexually attracted to. Actually there isn't enough of the word "actually" in this segment so actually there will be further abuses of the word "actually."

"Yes Onii-chan?" Yukio purred, because men purring was not unusual at all. Not suspicious, either.

"Yukio you startled me!" Rin said cutely. For everything he did was cute. Even that pout he had, with the way his lower lip stuck out and his brows lowered over his big eyes. Even the way his tail flicked around, and was accidentally swaying between Yukio's legs. Adorable.

"Yes. It is because you are so soft and warm and delicious and I just had to hold you close." Yukio spun the other around, Rin had conveniently dropped the knife so instead of accidentally impaling his brother he merely blushed as he faced the other's muscular chest. That was hidden beneath a thick coat. But he knew that muscular chest, he felt and seen it ,and that is why he blushed. Yukio was a real man. Full of masculinity and testosterone. In fact, he had so much testosterone that everyone around him suddenly had deeper voices. That's how powerful his manliness was.

"Oh Yukio!" Rin gasped cutely again. He did that often around his younger sibling. It was more frequent doing their late-night excursions under the sheets though.

Just hearing that gasp, seeing those red cheeks and big eyes staring up at him combined with recollections of previous nights set fire to Yukio's loins. A fire so powerful, he ignored the fact that Ukobach was probably watching the two with an annoyed face because he and Rin had originally been cooking dinner _together_. Reaching around with an arm, Yukio began running his fingers down the other's spine before squeezing a soft asscheek. Rin squeaked, and squirmed against the other as his brother began molesting him. "Yukio…!" Rin whined… in a whimper.

"Rin!" Yukio responded, his other hand reaching to tug on the other's tail.

"Oww! What was that for, Yukio?" Rin asked, momentarily jerking away to stare at his sibling in a moment's of confusion… for a moment.

"Ssshh, we have an audience." Yukio whispered, leaning forward to force his brother to stop talking by pressing his lips against the other's. Their lips continued to do the talking, though this time it was nonverbal but it was also not any form of sign language. It was technically a figurative talking, as Yukio's mouth and tongue were doing to Rin's mouth and tongue what he wanted to do to his older sibling.

The fact the other was not resisting the mouth sex was Rin's nonverbal and figurative speech way of giving consent.

Yukio's hands wandered all over Rin's clothed body, grabbing and squeezing anything that felt soft and squishy. In his arms, Rin wriggled trying to pull away from the sexual attention he was receiving and enjoying but for some reason trying to escape from. Yukio never really understood why, but the other's attempts at resistance were only fueling his arousal. Maybe Rin knew that, and this was why he was doing it – because it made Yukio hornier. What a thoughtful brother.

This totally was not in any way some sort of twisted way of justifying grinding his very hard and very huge manhood into his brother's still very shy and cute one.

A penis could be cute. If anyone disagreed, hater's were gonna hate but they sure were missing out.

Also, stop giggling just because you read the word "penis" – seriously, be a little more mature when reading about two men all but dry-humping each other. Really.

Well, Yukio was only the one who was really dry-humping. Rin was squeaking and trying to escape to resume cooking. He needed to finish making dinner for his husbando after a long day of work, after all.

"Onii-chan, nothing to be shy about…" Yukio murmured, nibbling on the point of the other's ear sensually in a sexual way.

"I-I'm not being shy…" Rin murmured shyly in a very… shy fashion.

"C'mon Onii-chan… hey… I just realized something kind of funny.. I call you Onii-chan, but if you adjust the emphasis a bit when you say it I sound like I'm calling you an oni… but I guess you are, considering a demon and an oni are-"

"Yukio! A-are you calling your brother a demon?" Rin gasped, eyes watering.

"Technically you are – but I like it. Demon on the outside, human on the inside… with your brother the opposite – human on the outside, demon on the inside…" Yukio was talented at speaking clearly while nibbling on an ear lobe.

"I don't think that's how it works…"

"Oh Onii-chan, just shut up and scream for me…" Yukio rolled his eyes, trying to strip the other of his clothes – but not the apron.

The apron could stay. It had special permission.

"Yukio…!" Rin gasped cutely. He could feel the heat from the other's body, and it was starting to turn Rin on as well. In fact, the heat emanating from Yukio's so deeply aroused body was so immense that his very glasses were fogging.

They longed for each other. They desired each other. "Onii-chan…" And then it hit him, like nothing had him before. He realized it, staring down at his brother – his older sibling that he longed for and lusted after for so long and so often. He cupped the other's cheek in his hand, completely ignoring his erection as he tenderly touched his brother's soft cheek.

"Yukio…" Rin whispered, gazing up at the other cutely with all those adorable emotions being worn on his figurative sleeve. As always. They were naked (Yukio was a part-time ninja in addition to being a teacher and exorcist), except for Rin's apron, and locked in a tight embrace.

"Onii-chan… I… you…" Yukio murmured, and then smiled kindly. "I'm sorry for playing and tiptoeing around this for so long."

"Yukio…?"

"It's time I told you the truth. It's time I finally told you how I really felt." Yukio stated with a firm nod.

"Oh Yukio…" Rin cried, and threw his arms around his twin's neck. Yukio nodded, and gently returned the embrace.

"Rin. I realized the reason why, even though I'm a flaming homosexual and surrounded by all of these hot men I've never had an official boyfriend… only you as my waifu, and that doesn't count… is because I don't really want one. But if I were to have one…" Yukio touched his forehead to the other. "It would be with the Ice King. He's just so dreamy!"

"Oh yes, me too Yukio!" Rin squealed cutely.

Mephisto broke down the door declaring loudly, "I would fuck the Ice King as well!"

Crashing through the window arrived the Earth King Amaimon. Yukio pulled out his gun and shot the demon.

"…fuck yeah, Ice King we're coming for you."

...

...

...

And then Yukio woke up screaming, while Rin snored loudly in his bed on the other side of the room. Kuro jumped up, eyes wide and startled at the sudden cry. Snarling, Yukio threw his pillow at his brother – hard. "Son of a fucking bitch I'm never watching Adventure Time with your dumbass self before bed ever fucking again!" Now he had to deal with the disturbing realization he had morning wood and woke up to thoughts about the Ice King from a kid's show. Seriously, what the hell?


End file.
